I wage war with my brother on a regular basis. Such is the life of having a younger sibling. The thing with family members is that I want them to be perfect, and because of this most of the time I am consumed by their imperfections.
It’s different with friends. For some reason when it comes to non-family members, I can easily accept their faults. This is who they are, I think to myself. When it comes to little brothers, phew, let me just say I have an extremely dark, resentful side of me that I don’t seem to understand. Whatever happens to forgiveness when I’m mad at him I have no idea. Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m that mad at him. Like it just doesn’t make any sense. There’s no such thing as fairness or reason when you’re fighting with your younger bro. You just fight, and all of a sudden you are at your most selfish and uncomprehending. Such is the life of having a younger sibling.
Well, I think the reason for this is that we’re too close to each other, and that’s why we can’t see each other clearly. It literally took years for me to realize that my little brother is growing up, and he’s not a kid anymore. Every time he gets frustrated or annoyed with me I blamed it on his impatience. I did this for the longest time. I still don’t think he should be “that mean” when he’s talking to me, however, but now I understand why he’s like that, and what’s he’s been reacting to. It’s funny how we are so incredibly obsessed and unrelenting with our family and not with our friends. Because we live in the same household, we are not separated by distance. We are always within the proximity of each other, even if we’re in each of our rooms. We’re still in the same house, we see each other most of the time when we’re at home, and we’re just always together. You know what I mean? Without that social and physical “distance” that you have with your friends, without that “chill-out” time, you don’t really get the chance to think things through. You just react. And you fight. And you forget your brother or your sister or your mom or your dad is a person, too.
That’s what I realized a few days ago. We all have a idealized, romanticized view of each other. Well, I guess, mostly–I have an idealized image of my brother that I expect him to uphold and live up to; I think it’s inevitable. I want him to do this, to feel that, to understand what I’m saying to him. But all this time I haven’t really been listening, have I? It’s so easy to fall into a pattern like this without questioning it. But I questioned it and found an answer. At first I refused to admit that I was wrong. He was the mean one! I can’t believe it. I’m in my twenties and I still sound like a little kid. I guess we’re always that little kid at home, because that’s the one place we get to be a little kid. It’s where we first “began” our “career” as little kids.
But I suppose, I’m still learning. I’m learning to understand my brother as he is. Even though he can be a douchbag sometimes, he’s still that cute little bro of mine. (These things tend to end cheesy like this. From my perspective there’s no other way to end it, haha. Because even though it’s cheesy, it’s true.)