Keep thinking like a loser…

I asked my brother, what do you do when you feel insecure? When you don’t feel good about yourself? I didn’t expect an answer, but he gave one of the most ingenious, poignant and graceful answers I’ve heard regarding to this question. 

He said, “Well, when I feel that way about myself, I realize that nobody gives a shit about what I think about myself, so I move on.”

For most of us, we feel insecure from time to time. It’s natural because we live in a world of ideals, and we identify with those ideals and seek to fulfill them.

Like me. I have had foolish ideals about myself that caused me nothing but mental anguish. You’re not social enough. You’re not outgoing enough. You’re not funny enough. What’s worse–knowing that I am insecure, knowing that I have these thoughts, I criticize myself for being insecure, for thinking too much.

Yup, I think about thinking too much about thinking too much about thinking…

This is self-violence. Mental and emotional abuse. I did it to myself. I am guilty of violence against the self.

I need to stop living in my head.

I need to stop worrying. I need to stop speculating. I need to stop regretting.

I need to stop living in my head.

So I decided I will stop thinking. I will venture outwards; I will go on an adventure. I will go out there and experience. I will try new things and broaden my perspectives. I will meet new people and make new friends.

I will stop living in my head.

I will stop judging myself, criticizing myself, feeling bad for myself, violating myself. I will start living now. I will live in the present.

I shall close with a few words to myself:

I am sorry.

I’m sorry I have been the villain. I’m sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for being an insensitive prick. Or, actually, a perfectly understanding prick. I’m sorry for being mean. I’m sorry for all those negative language. I’m sorry for the bullying.

I love you.

I love you for who you are.

And I shall continue to love you.

I shall continue to love you for who you are.

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