Coming out of being an English major, most of the times I feel the need to be critical. There’s the tendency to pick things apart, to find things to criticize, to sound judgmental–be it a film, a TV show, a book, an article, a song, a cultural phenomenon. While sometimes it is inevitable for me to notice certain themes, certain structure, certain kind of brilliance or certain kind of flaw, looking too much into things, eight of of ten, spoils the fun.
That seems to be, in and of itself, an epiphany that can be applied to various aspects of my life. Not long ago, it had been my imperative to analyze, to philosophize, to understand–to get to the bottom of the things. “Why”? I always ask, because I seek answers. While I still maintain the attitude of seeking as I approach all aspects of life–I realize that this kind of meticulousness gives me little room to breathe. When do you stop asking questions? When do you rest? When do you just let things be?
Instead of going after answers, when do you let the answers come to you?
I’d been so busy thinking that I forgot to think. I forgot to feel, to experience the moment as it is. I forgot how easy things can be, how fun, how straightforward and how pure. I let myself get to me. Yes, I am a little bit embarrassed to say, I got me.
Like Buddha says, there is a middle way. It is a simple philosophy, yet easily ignored and forgotten.
There is a middle way. When you look at something too hard, when you push yourself too hard to see an answer, you end up tiring yourself, and likely you will not find your answer.
I have learned that seeking is a good thing, but sometimes I also need to be patient and wait for the answers to come.
So to hell with it–I say I’m done trying to be fastidious. I am going to stop being an English-major/nerd Nazi. I am going to stop being so tense, so maddeningly inquisitive all the time.
For now, I am going to relax and let things happen; I am going to sit back and enjoy the ride.